How to Stop Feeling Shy Around Girls

: Recommend; Posted On Friday, 09 October 2020 13:03

Shyness can feel like this invisible wall that pops up between you and the rest of the world—especially when it comes to girls. It’s like your brain suddenly freezes, your tongue ties itself in a knot, and the moment you want to speak... nothing comes out. That awkward tension, the fear of saying something silly, or worse, being judged—these emotions are real, and they’re shared by many.

But here’s the thing—being shy doesn’t mean you're broken, and it definitely doesn’t mean you’ll always struggle. It just means you’ve got a little hurdle to clear, and you’re not alone. Loads of guys feel unsure around girls. And yes, while that kind of bashfulness can be endearing, it also tends to hold you back—especially when all you want is to start a conversation, share a laugh, or make a connection.

The good news? You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t need fancy lines or Hollywood-level charm. All it really takes is the right mindset, a bit of preparation, and the confidence to be yourself—even if you're a little awkward doing it.

Getting in the Right Mindset

1 – Remind Yourself That Girls Get Shy Too

You might not realize it when you're staring at a confident-looking girl, but many girls are just as nervous about talking to guys as you are about approaching them. They might look cool on the outside—flashing smiles, laughing easily—but beneath that, there's often the same bubbling anxiety and overthinking you're feeling.

The truth is, while you’re panicking about saying something dumb, she’s probably second-guessing her own words too. Knowing this makes a world of difference. It levels the playing field. So instead of trying to be witty or charming all the time, shift your focus. Try to make her feel comfortable. That alone will ease your tension.

2 – Act Like You’re Chatting With a Friend

Sure, the stakes feel higher when you’re talking to someone you’re crushing on, but strip away the pressure, and it’s not that different from talking to a buddy. When you’re with your friends, you don’t stress over every word. You just talk—about movies, the weekend, random stuff that pops into your head. You crack jokes. You relax.

Take that same casual attitude into conversations with girls. You don’t have to impress anyone. You just have to connect.

3 – Forget About Being Perfect

One major trap shy guys fall into is overthinking every little sentence. You don’t need to deliver the perfect one-liner or blow her mind with your deep insights. Compliment her shirt, mention the crazy weather, ask about her music taste—seriously, it’s that simple.

Trying to be perfect only trips you up. Just keep talking, even if it’s not smooth. Real connection is built through presence, not poetry.

4 – Have a Mental List of Conversation Starters

Here’s a practical tip: Before you walk up to talk to a girl, have a few go-to topics in your mental pocket. Nothing scripted or stiff—just light subjects that can spark a natural flow.

Think: “Did you see that movie last weekend?” or “What’s your go-to coffee order?” Small things. Familiar things. The idea is to stop your mind from going blank when the moment hits. You can always veer off into deeper territory later, but these little conversation seeds are what get you started.

5 – Be True to Who You Are

Corny? Maybe. But it’s still the truth. Pretending to be someone you're not will exhaust you—and it’s not sustainable. If you want a girl to like you, then show up as you. Sure, be a little more polished and thoughtful in the beginning, but don’t mask your personality under layers of cool-guy bravado.

If she’s talking to you, there’s already some interest. Don’t waste that by faking it.

6 – Ditch the Need to Impress

There’s a difference between confidence and cockiness, and most people can smell it from a mile away. It’s tempting to talk about your skills, ambitions, or how good you are at soccer—but if it feels like you’re selling yourself, you probably are.

Be proud of what you do, but let your qualities show naturally. Trust that if you’re cool to be around, she’ll see that without a sales pitch.

7 – Calm the Nerves Before You Approach

Let’s face it—nerves can hit you like a truck right before you go say hi. But there are tricks to tone that anxiety down.

Take 30 seconds to breathe deeply and ground yourself.
Breathe in slowly through your nose, out through your mouth.
If you carry a stress object like a smooth stone or a small ball in your pocket, squeeze it gently.
Most importantly, make eye contact. Don’t scan the room or stare at your shoes—it only fuels nervous energy.

Talking to Girls

1 – Start Simple With a Compliment

If the idea of jumping into a full conversation makes you freeze, try this: just give a compliment. Not a cheesy pickup line, and not something overly dramatic—just a genuine, simple compliment. Say something like, “I like your jacket,” or “That color looks good on you.” It breaks the ice and shows that you’ve noticed something specific.

Girls appreciate sincerity. And no, you don’t have to open with a compliment if it doesn’t feel natural. But if the moment gets quiet or you're unsure what to say next, a compliment is a great lifeline.

2 – Ask Questions That Show You’re Interested

Want to know one of the most underrated ways to overcome shyness? Be curious. When you ask a girl about herself—what she’s into, what kind of music she likes, what she does on weekends—you stop obsessing over what you’re going to say.

This also makes the girl feel appreciated and heard. Ask about her favorite TV shows, the music she’s into lately, what kind of food she’s obsessed with, or where she hangs out in town. These questions aren’t just small talk—they’re bridges to real conversations.

Here are a few ideas you can keep in mind:

What bands or music she likes
Her favorite kind of movies or shows
Any cool hobbies she’s into
Places she likes to visit locally
What she’s doing that weekend
If she has pets or siblings
A class you both have

3 – Don’t Be Afraid to Share About Yourself

You don’t want the conversation to turn into an interview. So while you’re asking her things, sprinkle in stories or details about yourself too. It helps make things feel mutual and creates space for back-and-forth rhythm.

Even if you're shy, talk about the things you’re passionate about—your dog, your favorite sport, the wild story of how you got lost on a hike once. You don’t need to reveal your whole life story, just enough for her to get to know you a little better.

And when she asks you something, don’t just give short answers like “yes” or “nah.” Take a breath and expand a little—even a sentence or two makes it easier for the convo to flow.

4 – Learn to Laugh at Yourself

You’re going to mess up sometimes. You’ll trip over a word, say something weird, or suddenly realize you’ve been rambling about your favorite video game for five straight minutes. That’s okay.

Instead of panicking, laugh it off. Say something like, “Wow, I went on a whole tangent there.” It shows you're comfortable enough not to take yourself too seriously—and that’s attractive. Girls feel more relaxed around someone who can roll with little mishaps.

Awkward moments don’t have to kill the mood. They can actually build connection, as long as you don’t make it weird by pretending they didn’t happen.

5 – Carry Yourself With Confidence

Your body language can either help you or betray you. Even if you're feeling nervous, your posture, eye contact, and overall vibe can give off a confident impression.

Keep your shoulders relaxed and don’t cross your arms.
Stand or sit up straight, with your head up.
Make eye contact—but don’t stare like a statue.
Smile naturally, and turn your body slightly toward her when you're talking.

And for the love of all things social, put your phone away. It makes you look distracted or uninterested—and it kills your confidence without you even realizing it.

6 – Know When to End the Conversation

It might seem strange, but sometimes the best thing you can do is leave before the conversation dies out. If things are going well, the energy is positive, and you both had a few laughs, wrap it up on that high note. Say something like, “Hey, I gotta go, but it was fun talking to you. Let’s chat again soon.”

Why? Because leaving on a good note makes the memory stronger and gives both of you something to look forward to next time.

Dragging things out until you both run out of things to say can feel awkward and undo all the good vibes you just built up.

7 – Be Okay With Silence

Silence isn’t the enemy. Even in great conversations, there will be pauses. The trick is to not freak out and try to fill every second. If there’s a quiet moment, just breathe and let it pass. She’s probably thinking about what to say next too—it’s not all on you.

Avoid making it worse by saying something like, “Well, this is awkward.” Instead, lean into the pause and just wait it out. A calm silence is better than a panicked scramble to keep the chat alive.

Making an Extra Effort

1 – Build Up Your Self-Esteem Gradually

At the core of shyness is often a lack of self-esteem. You feel like you’re not interesting, funny, or cool enough—and that mindset shows in how you carry yourself.

Start small. Work on accepting who you are and improve the things you can. Get better at something you enjoy—writing, gaming, cooking, drawing, lifting weights, whatever. The better you feel about yourself in general, the less terrifying social situations will become.

Also, take care of your appearance. It’s not about looking like a model. Shower, wear clean clothes, and groom yourself in a way that feels good to you. The mirror isn’t the enemy—it’s the beginning of confidence.

2 – Talk to New People as Practice

If you want to feel more comfortable around girls, practice being social in general. Chat with the cashier, say hi to the new student, talk to your cousin’s friend. Every small exchange teaches you something about timing, tone, and how people respond.

It doesn’t have to be deep or long-winded. Just a sentence or two. You’ll slowly desensitize yourself to the fear of talking—and you’ll be surprised how quickly your confidence builds.

3 – Say Yes to New Social Situations

The more places you go, the more people you meet, the more naturally you’ll start to feel at ease. Join a club. Volunteer. Sign up for a weekend class or a group activity. Even going to a local event or helping out at a school function can push you to interact with others.

These environments let you meet girls in a natural, low-pressure way. You’re not trying to “impress”—you’re just existing in the same space. And when that becomes your norm, talking to girls stops being a nerve-wracking task and starts feeling like just... life.

Living a more active, connected life is one of the most organic ways to beat shyness.

4 – Don’t Treat Every Girl Like a Potential Love Interest

This is where a lot of shy guys go wrong: they put every attractive girl on a pedestal. Suddenly, she becomes this mythical creature they have to impress or win over. That mindset is a confidence killer.

Try this instead: treat her like you’d treat a classmate, a coworker, a teammate. Respectful, kind, curious—but not idolizing. This helps take the pressure off. And ironically, the less pressure you put on the conversation, the more it will naturally flow.

Not every girl is “the one.” Some are just people you’ll talk to once. Others might become friends. And if something romantic does happen later, it’ll feel more organic—not forced.

5 – Practice Real Listening

One of the most powerful things you can do to improve conversations—especially with girls—is to truly listen. Not just waiting for your turn to speak. But actually focusing on her words, her tone, her story.

Put your phone away. Look her in the eyes. Let her finish her thought without jumping in. This tells her you're present, and it builds trust fast.

Also, remember things she says. If she told you she had a soccer game this weekend, ask her how it went the next time you talk. That tiny detail makes a huge impression and shows her you're genuinely engaged—not just trying to flirt.

6 – Notice When You’re Talking Too Much

It’s normal to get nervous and suddenly talk way more than usual. Some guys ramble. Some overshare. Some talk so fast, the girl can’t even respond.

The key is to catch yourself. If you feel like you’ve been going on for a while, pause and ask her something. Make space for her to speak. You can even joke about it by saying something like, “Wow, I just went on a whole monologue there—your turn!”

Great conversations have rhythm. Aim for a balance—like 50/50, or even 60/40 either way. But don’t dominate the talk, and don’t make her feel like she’s got to carry it all either.

And that’s it. You don’t need to be some smooth-talking extrovert to connect with girls. You just need to:

Shift your mindset to see girls as people, not puzzles.
Let go of perfection and embrace real, human conversations.
Practice being social in general so that your confidence grows naturally.

Shyness isn’t a flaw. It’s just a phase—one that you can grow out of with a little self-awareness, effort, and genuine curiosity about the people around you.

The goal isn’t to impress girls. The goal is to be yourself—and let the right people see that.