What is a soulmate? A soulmate is someone who is attracted to your soul or your true spiritual essence. Soulmate relationships are harmonious and deeply nourishing on a spiritual level. Your soulmate will be attracted to your radiant essence and passionate commitment to your soul purpose.
One of the most interesting things about soul mates is sometimes they're the people we resist the most. You'd think we'd run to our soul mates with open arms, but often we end up running in the other direction.
Why do you feel an impulse to push your soul mate away? Why do others give you advice to do the same? How do you change this pattern by accepting your soul mate and signing up for the relationship of your life?
As a Love Coach, I often get the question, "How can I get over this person?" Then they describe the relationship: I've been in love with him for 10 years, my heart just won't let go. I can't stop thinking about him, no one compares…
I love answering this question:
"You don't get over him," I say. "This is your soul mate."
Relief emerges on the other end of the line. Partly because the client knows it's true, and partly because others have told her the opposite for so long.
Here's the deal: we don't choose our soul mates. Our hearts do. And once your heart has chosen, it's not going to let go until it's ready. This is not under your control.
What is under your control is if you surrender to your love or fight against it. It's a choice.
Unfortunately many of us fight against it — we push our soul mates away! Why would we do such a thing?
Because it's terrifying to love someone so much!
When your heart is this engaged — when it feels like you're completely at the mercy of another — you better believe you want to run.
But running doesn't make them go away! Nor does it turn off your heart! If this person is your soul mate, your heart will remain connected until it's time to let go. This doesn't happen on your watch.
One of the major reasons we fail to fearlessly embrace these relationships is because we get a ton of advice that tells us not to.
Unfortunately, most people don't know what they're talking about when it comes to love. A good rule of thumb is: Don't take love advice from someone who doesn't have a relationship you admire. The blind leading the blind will not get you to happily ever after.
A lot of this poor relationship advice focuses on these two themes:
Your partner isn't giving you enough, so you should move on.
Your partner makes you feel negative emotions (i.e. frustration, annoyance, fear, anger, crazy … take your pick), so you should move on.
I'd like to address this advice, and explain why you should think twice about kicking your heart's desire to the curb.
1. It's not your choice to move on.
Try it. I'm serious. Let me know how that goes.
You can't will yourself to stop loving someone. That's like trying to use your mind outsmart your heart. It doesn't work like that!
I talk to plenty of people who have continued to love someone for years despite having tried to "let them go." What they really end up doing is blocking them out (i.e. shutting down their hearts), which is just torturous and fails every time.
Instead of blocking someone out, I encourage you to trust that your heart has a plan. Say yes to your soul mate and find out what the lessons are.
2. Relationships are not about getting; they're about giving.
We become obsessed (and our friends become obsessed) with all the things that we aren't "getting" in relationships, but relationships are where we learn to GIVE. They are not about another person completing us!
People love talking about this. "He's not doing _____, so you should walk away." Really? Why not explore what you aren't doing?
How can you show up in a fuller way? How can you fearlessly love? These are the real questions you should be asking yourself.
When we genuinely give more to our partners, we receive more love. It's a simple equation. This is a major lesson you must learn if you are going to have successful relationships.
3. Yes, this relationship makes you feel negative emotions!
That's what happens in relationships! If you didn't feel negative emotions, you wouldn't grow!
Does this mean you have to endure frustration, annoyance, fear, and craziness forever? No! You get to move beyond these feelings. It's called evolution. But again, no discomfort, no growth.
People jump on challenges in relationships like they're a horrible thing. And I get it, it's not comfortable in be pushed to your edge. But having strong emotional experiences doesn't mean something is wrong! This is one of the biggest misconceptions about love. Your emotions indicate where you have room to grow.
I know, I know. You want to believe the fantasy that there's someone out there who will never push your buttons. Sweetheart, it ain't true. The sooner you accept this and face the discomfort in your relationship as a means for your own spiritual growth, the more at peace you're going to be.
When it comes to your relationship the most important thing to do is be true to you. When your heart is attached to a particular person, get curious about why that is. There just might be a reason for it.
Your soul mate is the person that you can't help but want, that you can't help but love, that you can't forget about no matter what. I say, "Don't fight the feeling!"
By accepting our soul mates, we're signing up for the richest type of life, one that includes the most potent emotions, twists and turns, depth and fullness. Trust me, this is what you really want — this is what it is to be alive.
Take my advice and jump into the current of your heart. Go for it! Your soul mate is waiting for you to say yes.
7 Reasons Your Soulmate Can’t Find You
1) You’re not really being you.
I often hear singles say, “I want someone who loves the true me.” But have you met the true you yet?
Let me introduce you: The true you is a unique flavor of infinite love expressed in human form. Chances are you are not currently living that version of yourself, but it’s not your fault (and we’ll get to that).
2) You’re unconsciously attracting the wrong people.
Your soulmate will be attracted to your authentic soul signal (a specific vibe that originates from your heart and soul and is unique to you). The trouble is, it’s covered over and distorted by layers of “not really you” energy.
Nearly everyone has repressed emotions because we’ve been conditioned to be nice, act happy, keep quiet, and keep the peace. The emotions you have not wanted to acknowledge, feel, and express have been accumulating throughout your life. You may have picked up fear, guilt, or sadness from other people and you may be carrying it with you.
Not only does this wall of repressed emotions block your soul signal, it’s broadcasting those emotions into the world. The Law of Attraction states like energy attracts like energy. This could explain some of the angry, sad, or fearful people you keep running into.
3) The subconscious mind is distorting your true soul signal.
Your subconscious mind was created in the first seven years of your life. Early childhood development experts have proven that our brains are in a hypnotic state during this period. We download everything in the environment without filters—including the beliefs, attitudes, habits, and behaviors of our family. The true you is nowhere to be found in your subconscious. Not you, not there.
4) Your relationship program is stuck on repeat.
Your relationship program is a collection of subconscious beliefs that you absorbed in childhood about men, women, love, power, integrity, and whom you can trust. It includes your automatic defense strategies to avoid getting hurt. Since it’s a program, it just keeps repeating. It attracts the same childhood relationship issues over and over, disguised by different faces. It doesn’t reflect the unique expression of infinite love that you really are deep inside.
5) You’re not in your right mind 90 percent of the time.
Neuroscientists have proven that most people operate from the conscious mind only 5-10 percent of their waking hours. This is when you are fully aware in the present moment and making healthy choices. The trouble is, the other 90 percent of the time, your body is on automatic pilot while your mind is in the past or future, endlessly replaying thought patterns. When the subconscious takes over, you are vulnerable to automatic reactions when your emotional buttons are pushed.
6) You’re not in the right place.
Your soulmate isn’t looking for you in bars and coffee shops unless your passion is drinking or your soul purpose has something to do with coffee and pastries. Your soulmate feels whole and complete, and is out in the world making a difference. What are you passionate about? What contribution did you come to make in the world? Instead of waiting, get out and do what brings you joy because your soulmate has the same passion and purpose.
7) Your ego prefers familiarity to harmony.
Even though your conscious mind wants a soul-nourishing partner, your ego wants what is familiar. At this point in your life, your ego is an old, obsolete program that’s part of your subconscious mind. It’s a database of beliefs and programmed reactions. It is not the true you. Your ego’s job is to protect and maintain that early identity, and will go to any length to do its job. The ego in the subconscious mind doesn’t care how much pain you’ve suffered in your relationships because the mind can‘t feel emotions. And pain is part of the familiar program.
Sadly, your beautiful soul signal is filtered and distorted. So what you attract are ego mates who share the same issues at the subconscious level. The Soul-ution is to dissolve those false layers with the power of infinite love that you really are at the core of your being. Let your soul shine forth like a lighthouse and your soulmate will find you.
